Is a Medical Condition the Root of Your Child’s Behavioral Issues?

Posted on September 16, 2012 by Jen James

I am excited to get back to posting on my blog more regularly. Due to a relatively sudden decision to move across the country I have been consumed with readying our house for sale, going through our belongings to determine what we really did not need to move, packing up our belongings, moving 1800 miles away and searching for a new home, as well as starting a new job in August.

The reason for our move was that I was offered a job teaching children with autism and multiple disabilities in a therapeutic program in Colorado. The students in this school are kids who cannot receive a FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education), usually due to behavioral issues that are often related to their lack of ability to communicate their needs and wants. Not all of my students are nonverbal, but all of them struggle with how to appropriately Continue reading →

Special Education Accountability: Is Your Child’s IEP Helping or Hurting Their Growth?

Posted on June 29, 2012 by Jen James

When I asked a group of parents what their biggest frustration with the IEP process was, one parent wrote that she felt that her child’s IEP was a way for the school district to not hold her child accountable for his behavior and academic growth. She felt that it was basically an easy out for the school district to not have to work hard to figure out how to help her child succeed since he has a disability. I think the idea of special education accountability is an interesting perspective worth exploring.

The basic tenants of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) are in direct contrast to her statement, but unfortunately that doesn’t mean her statement is untrue. Continue reading →

Reevaluation IEP Meetings: As a Parent the Law States You May Request a Reevaluation Even if the School District Has Determined that it is Not Necessary

Posted on June 4, 2012 by Jen James

According to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), your child’s school district is required to reevaluate your child at least every three years and conduct reevaluation IEP Meetings. Reevaluation may be done as often as once a year if the parent or a teacher requests updated evaluations or if the school district believes that reevaluating the child is necessary for programming. Reevaluations are also required if the school district believes that the child is no longer a child with a disability, except in the cases when the child is due to graduate from high school with a regular diploma or due to age out of FAPE under State law. If there is going to be a change of eligibility category reevaluations are not required unless the team deems it necessary.

There are two primary purposes for a reevaluation. The first is Continue reading →

IEP Progress Report: An Important Tool to Check on Whether Your Child is Progressing Adequately

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Jen James

You should receive an IEP progress report on your child’s annual Individual Education Program (IEP) goals and objectives as often as you receive report cards, which is usually three or four times during the school year. There is usually a key or a scale at the bottom of the progress report that explains the letters or numbers generally used to indicate whether a concept has been introduced or not, as well as what level of proficiency your child has reached with each objective that has been introduced. It is important for you to review the progress report so that you know Continue reading →

IEP Meetings: Why it’s Important to Get a Draft Copy of the IEP Before Going to the Meeting

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Jen James

IEP Meetings are held throughout the year for children with educational disabilities. IEP is an acronym for Individual Education Program. Each child who is determined to have a disability according to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) must have an IEP created just for them. The IEP should include several different components that are critical to your child’s success. It has been my experience, with both parents who are new to the IEP process and parents who have been in the system for years that many do not fully understand the complex document that dictates what their child will learn each year. I believe that most school districts need to do a better job of fully explaining the different components of the document to parents.

In my opinion, there are many different reasons for misunderstandings between parents and school districts regarding the IEP and/or the IEP process. One reason is that the federal law, IDEA, which governs everything regarding IEPs is very long, complex and cumbersome and each state has some leeway for interpretation of the law. Another reason is that parents assume that school personnel fully understand the educational laws. Another reason is that school districts often do not allow adequate time for IEP meetings. Another reason is that parents trust that school personnel are experts in working with children with disabilities and so they leave everything related to IEP up to the school personnel. These reasons for misunderstandings, along with others, I haven’t mentioned lead some parents and school districts to end up in long, drawn out battles over the education of a child with an IEP.

In the best of all possible worlds, parents and educators should be willing and able to work out their differences of opinion in order to assist the child with a disability to experience as much success as possible. Sometimes this does happen and other times is does not. In some cases, either the parent or the school district files for mediation and/or a due process hearing. The scope of this article is not to talk about due process hearings but to discuss things that you, as the parent, need to know about the IEP document in hopes of avoiding due process. This is not to say that, at times, this will be a necessary course for you to get what you believe your child is entitled to.

I encourage every parent to read the entire IEP document before signing it. This is not a simple task, as the document is usually between 15-60 pages long. It is rare, in this age that the facilitator of the IEP meeting will go page by page through the IEP at the IEP meeting because meeting lengths are often limited. Early in my career, it was not uncommon for IEP meetings to last for two hours but more recently, I have been surprised if there was even an hour scheduled for the meeting. An hour usually seems insufficient for me as the teacher, so I can just imagine that it is often insufficient for the parent. This shift has happened for many reasons-the primary one being limited available time for both parents and professionals. It seems that it has become more difficult for parents to get time off work to attend school meetings and it has become more costly and complicated for schools to release the school personnel from their regular duties to attend IEP meetings.

The document that is presented at the IEP meeting, whether it is an initial meeting, an annual review or a triennial meeting, is a “draft” document. This means that the school district personnel have put together an IEP based on your child’s assessments and needs into a working document. This means that the document presented at the IEP meeting is not a finalized document. Information can be added, deleted, amended or extended based on the discussion during the IEP Team meeting, of which you as the parent are an equal member. Due to the time constraints that are often put into place for meetings, I suggest that you tell the case manager that you would like a copy of the drafted IEP at least 2 days prior to the meeting. It is important to give this information to the case manager as soon as possible, as he/she will have to assure that all of the school personnel have input their information into the draft document by the date you have requested to pick it up from the case manager.

Let’s take some time to briefly dissect the different components of the IEP so you can fully understand the importance of each section.

Assessment: Both informal and formal assessments are completed with your child for the initial IEP, the Triennial (every 3 years) IEP, anytime an addition or deletion of a service is being considered and/or if a placement change is being considered. Annual IEP’s often include informal assessment results conducted over the course of the year. These assessments are completed to determine if your child is eligible or remains eligible for special education services. Formal standardized assessments compare your child with other children of their same age and/or grade level to get a statistical look at their abilities. Informal assessments may include, but are not limited to, teacher notes, observations by staff members, student work samples, pre and posttests and therapists notes from sessions. All of this data is compiled to create a profile of your child that helps determine if they are a child with a disability who is entitled to receive special education services.

Present Levels of Functional and Educational Performance: Every IEP should have a section completed by the service providers who either assessed and/or worked with your child since the previous IEP meeting. This section of the IEP should clearly describe your child’s performance in all areas of their educational program. It should include growth and skills your child has as well as educational needs and concerns to be addressed in the IEP. You should see present levels for academics with specific areas of disability addressed (i.e. if your child has a reading disability this should be discussed in detail), social, emotional & behavioral , motor, speech and language , cognitive/memory, transition and any other specialized area that your child receives services in, such as audiologist services, Braille services, augmentative communication services, etc.

Goals and Objectives: Goals and objectives should be written based on the areas of need indicated in the present levels section of the IEP. Goals are broad areas that your child needs to gain skills in. Goals are usually written based on State or Core Content Standards so they tend to be wordy and long. The objectives are the meat of the IEP. The objectives are the specific skills your child will be taught over the course of the IEP. Each objective should be specific and measurable which means it must have a current baseline.

Programming & Service Delivery: This section should clearly delineate what services your child will receive, what type of professional will deliver the services, what environment the service will be delivered in and the frequency and duration of the services. If your child is being placed into a certain program this is where it should be written and explained (i.e. resource room, self-contained, out-of-district, special school, etc).

Statement of LRE: This may or may not be connected to the service delivery page. There should be a statement that explains that the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) was discussed and considered in making the IEP and the percentage of time that your child will be educated away from his/her nondisabled peers should be indicated.

Accommodations and Modifications: This section of the IEP discusses the interventions and strategies that your child is entitled to in both the general education environment and the special education environment. Accommodations and modifications help your child to have more success in their educational program. They are often referred to as factors that help to “level the playing field” for children with disabilities.

Specialized Plans: If your child needs a specialized plan such as a behavior plan or an augmentative communication plan or health plan these documents should also be included in the IEP.

I have several articles either on my blog or on ezine articles that explain each of these components in more detail. I just wanted to give you a quick run-down of what you are looking for. If you receive the draft document before the meeting and take the time to read it you will make better use of your time during your meeting because you will know where you need to ask for clarifications and explanations, where items are missing, items you do not feel are appropriate and where you want changes made. This arms you with the information you need and empowers you to be the best advocate for your child’s education.

Please share your stories about your experiences at IEP meetings and your experiences with getting draft copies of the IEP prior to an IEP meeting.

What is the Definition of the Least Restrictive Environment?

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Jen James

LRE is an acronym for Least Restrictive Environment. The least restrictive environment definition in the law states that every child with an Individualized Education Program (IEP) is to be educated in their least restrictive environment. Least restrictive is referring to how much the child is educated away from neurotypical peers in the general education setting. Children with IEPs must have some form of a disability that negatively impacts their ability to achieve reasonable educational benefit from the general education curriculum and structure alone.

In the United States, prior to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) children with disabilities were usually removed from and educated away from their “typical “peers. This removal often led to stigmatization, isolation, discrimination and misunderstanding of children with disabilities well into their adulthood. This law requires that special education teams carefully consider whether and how much a child with a disability needs to be educated separately from their neurotypical peers.

Each child’s LRE differs depending on their disability, their level of impairment, their educational needs, their behaviors and their learning styles. For example, many children with Specific Learning Disabilities (SLDs) and Physical Disabilities will benefit most from full inclusion. Although some children with SLDs and Physical Disabilities have significant deficits that will need specialized instruction in a resource room or therapy room type of setting. Likewise, many children with moderate to severe Autism will benefit most from a self-contained program that is specifically designed to maximize the learning of children with Autism. However, some children with Autism will be able to be included into general education for specials and for academic content. It is not a cut and dry decision based on disability. Each child’s individual education needs should drive the placement decision.

For some children their LRE may be a general education setting with specific accommodations and/or modifications that assist them to gain educational benefit from the regular education content. Another child may be able to be fully included in the general education setting with support from a special educator. Some children may need to go to a separate classroom for specialized instruction in one or more content areas. For example, a child with a math disability may need specialized small group instruction in just that content area and may not need assistance in any other content areas.

Some children who have more significant disabilities that greatly impact their ability to learn in a general education setting may need to be educated in a smaller special education classroom for the majority of the day. For these children there is still a responsibility to establish as much interaction with non-disabled peers as possible. This may include attending specials, such as PE or music with their “typical” peers. It could also mean exposure to non-disabled peers through lunch in the cafeteria, recess on the playground and/or school-wide assemblies.

Some children’s disabilities so significantly affect their ability to be educated in a regular public school that they are placed by the special education team at an out-of-district special school. Whenever this decision is made, it is always the hope and desire that the child will gain enough skills to come back to a public school setting in the future as to not be isolated from non-disabled peers. Placement and service delivery decisions must always be made based on what the child’s educational needs are and what environment is the least different from a general education setting for the student to meet his/her goals and objectives adequately.

In my experience, school personnel often make a decision about where they want to place a child before the IEP meeting has even taken place, even though this should be a team discussion that involves the parents. As a parent, you have a say in this matter. I encourage you to ask questions about the placement recommendation and make sure you feel comfortable with the placement. For many students it is highly beneficial to be included in the general education environment for the whole day, while other students have significant needs that require some or all of their education to occur in a different setting. Make sure you understand what type(s) of environments your child will be educated in and that you feel this matches what your child’s educational needs are. It is important to note that if your child’s stated education needs from the IEP require a certain type of program or a certain environment the school district is required to provide that either within their own school district or find an appropriate out-of-district placement.

What has been your experience with your child’s placement decisions? Did you feel like you had a voice in the decision making process? Did you want your child to be more integrated into general education or were you advocating for a more specialized program to meet their educational needs?

Simple and Fun Ways to Expand Your Child’s Vocabulary Doing Every Day Activities

Posted on April 24, 2012 by Jen James

Many children with special needs have delays in their vocabulary development. Neurotypical children tend to pick up language from hearing it spoken and many do not need explicit teaching in their younger years. As they get older, language arts and English classes teach vocabulary more directly. Many children with special needs need to be directly taught basic vocabulary. There are many ways you can expand vocabulary for your child with everyday activities in your home and the community. If your child receives speech and language services at school, you may want to talk with your child’s speech therapist about coordinating categories for vocabulary development. You can use items and activities that your child is interested in to expand their vocabulary. You can also use outings in the community as vocabulary enrichment activities. Expanding your child’s vocabulary can help to boost their self esteem and their ability to communicate with others as well as help them with overall academic performance.

If your child is receiving speech services through their Individualized Education Program (IEP) it is advisable and will ,hopefully, be beneficial to talk with the speech therapist about whether you can coordinate vocabulary development by focusing on a topic or category each month or each quarter, based on your child’s needs and abilities. Broad categories such as kitchen items, art supplies, sports equipment or types of sports, body parts, school supplies, toys and games, outdoor items, clothing, food, community establishments and/or community helpers and even prepositions are good ones to use. Whether your child is verbal or nonverbal, it will be helpful to talk with your child’s speech therapist about items, activities and topics your child is showing an interest in.

The speech therapist will likely be working on a variety of skills with your child in school, based on their communication goals and objectives. Coordinating a vocabulary calendar can help you know where to focus. This may also be a great way to set up regular communication with your child’s speech therapist so you can keep track of progress, too. If you notice that your child has a new interest, sharing this with the speech therapist may also help him/her to have more success with your child in the school setting. Many speech therapists will also send home speech homework or a home program, if you request this. If this is something you would like, ask for it to be included in your child’s IEP at the IEP meeting. Children with learning difficulties need as much repetition as possible to integrate new concepts into their long-term memory so if you and the school personnel are working on the same overall concepts it will be beneficial to your child.

You can easily use activities or items your child likes to expand their vocabulary. This does require that you are interacting with your child during the activity rather than sending them off to play by him/herself. Planning a certain time each day for vocabulary development may be helpful for some people, while others will want to embed it into many activities they do throughout the day. You have to find the right balance and style for you and your child. If you have a sitter watch your child before or after school, you can also ask them to spend a certain amount of time working on vocabulary development. The key to this type of play-based intervention is to make it seem natural to the child. You want the learning and labeling to be seen as part of the play.

Following are a few examples of how to incorporate vocabulary development into daily play activities. If your child likes to do art projects then when you get supplies out, encourage him/her to ask for what they want. If they point at, grab for, say an incorrect name or ask what something is, say something like, “These are scissors. Scissors. What is it?” Then have them repeat the name again before giving it to them. During the activity, make it a point to ask for the scissors so they hear the word again and then when they need them again they should ask you for them again, by name. If your child likes to play with Lego’s and you want to work on prepositions, you can naturally build new terms into your play. For example, “What color is under the red one?” or “Put this one next to the tree” or “May I have the long one behind the box”. Then for each preposition model or point out the placement and get your child to do the same and then label it. If your child likes to play with dolls, you can work on body parts or clothing items while you are playing together using the same strategies discussed above.

Household routines can also be used to learn new vocabulary in a fun way. If your child likes to help with cooking or to be in the kitchen with you, you can teach them new vocabulary in the following categories; furniture, dishes and utensils, foods, bake/cookware, large and small appliances and cleaning supplies(if appropriate) . This can be done during food preparation, while setting or clearing the table, while cleaning, and/or while putting away groceries. If your child likes to take baths you can teach them new vocabulary for toys they like to play with as well as items you find in the bathroom, such as; toilet, towel, soap, shampoo, shower curtain, etc.

Another way to expand your child’s vocabulary is when you are out of the house, either doing fun activities or running errands. You can turn any outing into a learning experience through orchestrating it into a game or a scavenger hunt. For example, if you are in the grocery store you can say something like, “Let’s see how many yellow things we can find in the store today.” Then as your child points out yellow items, label them for your child and ask them to repeat the label. This can be done in most locations by giving your child a descriptor that he/she already knows (such as a color, shape, size, texture, function) or you can use it to teach new descriptors. This also helps build a community awareness for your child-they learn that the grocery store, the doctor’s office, the post office, the drug store, restaurants and other places you go to are more than buildings and places to be bored at. Occupying them with an activity such as this can also decrease meltdowns, especially if you have some kind of built in reward for “playing the game well”.

I encourage you to unofficially assess your child’s vocabulary during the day to see where he/she needs expansion. Ask him to pass you the spoon. Ask her to put the scissors next to the box. Ask him where the milk goes. Ask her what you are looking at. Ask him which orange is bigger. Ask her where you need to go to get medicine. This helps you to know which labels your child knows and which ones need to be developed further. Many parents have told me they were surprised that their child did not know the difference between a fork and a spoon, or did not know that “next to” means beside, or that the cold rectangle thing in the kitchen that milk is stored in is called the refrigerator or that the paper thing you’re looking at in the doctor’s office with pictures and words is called a magazine or that two of the same items can be distinguished based on “bigger“ or “smaller” or that the place you get medicine is a pharmacy(or a brand name store such as CVS or Walgreens).

Share with us how you help to expand your child’s vocabulary. What strategies have you found most helpful?

What is a Quality Education for Children With Special Needs?

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Jen James

I was recently asked by a parent to write about my definition of a quality education for teaching children with special needs. The specifics of a quality education vary for children with different disabilities and even for varying levels of needs within a disability category. I will do my best to answer this question in a general way based on my experience and my philosophy. Please feel free to write comments or start a conversation in the comments section regarding certain disability categories.

An important factor to bring up regarding teaching children with special needs is FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education). Every child with special needs who qualifies for an Individualized Education Program (IEP) is entitled to FAPE. The word ‘free’ in this acronym means that the parents should not accrue any charges for their child with special needs to be educated in the public school system. This means that if a child needs a service that the school district is not currently utilizing the school district must find someone to provide that service. All costs involved in that process are paid for through the school district’s budget. The word that is most hotly contested in this acronym is ‘appropriate’. There has been much discussion and many due process hearings over what this word means. The Supreme Court ruled in the Rowley case in 1982 that appropriate means “that the child gained some educational benefit”.

With that said, my philosophy is not for my students to only “gain some educational benefit”. My mission is always to maximize the learning experience for my students. If a child has qualified for an IEP their disability has indicated that they need some type of individualized instruction. Children, whether they are gifted or special needs or nuerotypical, learn best in different formats and through various avenues. This is why you should rarely see the traditional lecture/”talk at you” format used for the majority of teaching scenarios anymore. Therefore, in my opinion, the first step in a quality education is to get an accurate assessment of the child’s primary learning style. Some children learn best auditorily, others learn best visually, others learn best kinesthetically, others learn best through using highly structured methods, others learn best experientially, others learn best through small group discussions, others learn best through explicit instruction and so on. Understanding how a child learns best helps me to plan the instruction in a way that is most beneficial for the child.

Another important step in a quality education is that the educator builds rapport and trust with their students from the beginning of instruction. In order for me have a positive influence, children must feel like my classroom is a safe and engaging environment. Taking a small amount of time up front to build a working relationship, establish structure and boundaries and show my students that I do care about their growth will allow them to have so much more success as a student. Children need to know that I am in charge but that this is our classroom and we are here to support every persons learning and growth.

The next step in a quality education is getting current assessment data that gives me a true starting point for the child’s skills so I can measure whether my interventions are successful or not. I am a believer that assessments should drive instruction. Assessment does not have to mean a formal or traditional test. Many of my assessment techniques are informal. The most important part is for me to understand what the child knows before I teach them a new concept, after I teach them a new concept and then again assess their knowledge after a reasonable amount of time has passed to see if they have retained the new skill. Repetition is critical for all of us to learn, so quality teachers are constantly spiraling their instruction to hit the key points repeatedly in as many areas as possible.

Another very important factor for a quality education is that educators need to look at the needs of the child as a whole. If I only focus on academic or cognitive development, I am missing the point. In order to provide a quality education for young people I must always look at social development, emotional development, physical development, communication development and life skill development, in addition to cognitive development. Quality instruction assists children to become integrated into society in a healthy and positive way. One-dimensional teaching does not do this.

As a special educator, I also believe that regular parent-teacher communication is part of a quality education. In the vast majority of situations, the more parents and teachers work together, the more successful the child will be. I know this is sometimes a controversial topic, as some parents believe that teachers need to educate and parents need to parents and vice versa. In my opinion, in today’s complicated, highly technical (and highly distracting), face-paced world working as a team with parents increases the success rates for children with special needs to become healthy, happy, productive, integrated members of society.

Share your thoughts below about what you believe are the most important factors in a quality education?

As I mentioned early in the post, if you want to discuss best practices for children with certain diagnoses start a conversation below.

Here is an Effective Strategy to Help You Handle Significantly Disruptive Behaviors At Home

Posted on March 5, 2012 by Jen James

Family crisis intervention plans are a critical component in many homes with children who have special needs. For the bulk of my career, I have worked with what many people label as “the most difficult children”. These are children with emotional and behavioral disabilities such as Reactive Attachment Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorders. These “difficult” children have a very special place in my heart. I find great joy, satisfaction and a sense of hope in helping these children, who are often very misunderstood, to find their way in the world. The children who I have had the most success with over the years are the children who had parents who joined with me on this mission. When parents and educators work together, incredible things can happen with children who have very problematic behavior.

There is one technique that I was taught and have subsequently taught many other educators and parents that almost everyone finds beneficial. I use this strategy in many facets of my life, not just during crises. The Crisis Prevention Institute teaches professionals a skill called rational detachment. Rational detachment is the ability to stay calm and cool and not get emotionally hooked during a highly emotionally charged crisis event but still be physically, cognitively and emotionally present for the child as he/she goes through their “episode”/fit/rage/meltdown/(or whatever you want to call it). Almost everyone who I have taught this to has said that they think every educator and every parent should know this strategy. Knowing it and being able to execute it effectively are two different things. It takes practice and works best when you have at least one other adult to support you.

Children with emotional and behavioral disabilities tend to be masters at finding their parents and teachers weak spots and trying to capitalize on them. Sometimes this is part of their disorder and sometimes it is manipulation but it is handled in the same way no matter the reason for the acting out behavior. Often these “episodes” are very personal in nature and may include verbal, physical and emotional components. We need to be able to step back from the situation in our mind but stay present with the child so he/she knows that we will be there for them, that we will keep everyone safe, that we care about them and that we are in charge even when they are out of control. I am by no means saying this is easy or that this works with all children. Preparation for crisis events in your family may help you, your other children, your family members and the acting out child so that your life does not become consumed with one crisis after another.

I believe that one of the best forms of family crisis intervention involves being able to rationally detach during a crisis. People who are able to do this are less likely to escalate their child during an “episode” and have reported to me that they feel more in control. This process occurs before, during and after the “episode”. I encourage you to take time to write down the factors that you believe will help you and your family during an “episode”. If you have a trusted spouse, partner, family member or friend, ask them if they are willing to do this with you. If you do not, you can do it yourself through journaling but it will be more difficult. I am going to map out the basic premise for this strategy to help you consider how you might become more rationally detached during a family crisis. The “before” and “after” part of this process is the thinking part of this strategy. The “during” part of the process is the doing part of the strategy.

The “before” part of this process requires you to think about what kinds of things (people, places, sensory input, medications, etc) tend to trigger your child to act out. If it is not possible to avoid those things, discuss how to prepare your child for them. Gain a better understanding of your child’s disorder to help you realize that the “episodes” are usually a part of the disorder. Gain an understanding that although the “episodes” may seem very personal they are often not about you but about the child’s feelings of overwhelm, loss of control, inadequacy and may even be physiological in nature. Make a plan, either with your trusted partner or with yourself, about how you are going to handle things during the next episode. How are you going to protect your acting out child from hurting him/herself, you and/or other family members? Is there a place in the house that the other children can go safely? Will your acting out child be safe in his/her room alone or do you need to be present in the room? What will you do if an “episode” occurs in public? Consider all the scenarios you have encountered or fear you will encounter and make a simple plan for how you will address them.

The “during” part of this process involved executing the plan you decided upon. It also involves an internal conversation with yourself when you continually remind yourself, ‘this isn’t about me, it’s about him/her and I need to follow the plan’. This is the key to the plan working. It is natural for people, especially parents who love their children dearly, to feel insulted, hurt, devastated or immobilized by their child’s actions and words. You must do everything you can to not respond in anger, frustration and/or outrage even if your child is calling you a **** or telling you it’s all your fault or throwing expensive toys or breaking your favorite item or thousands of other behaviors you could fill in that your child exhibits. What you need to continue to do during the “episode” is to monitor for everyone’s safety and remain as calm and cool as possible on the outside as you possibly can. Do not get into an argument or a debate while your child is acting out. It may be helpful to have one or two statements that you say repeatedly, such as, “When you are calm we will discuss this” or “I will know you’re calm and ready to talk with me when your mouth and body are quiet and still” or “I will be here for you when you are calm”. Then you have to wait them out. It is important to note that you cannot emotionally or physically detach from the situation in a way that would harm your child thus the term ‘rational detachment’.

The “after” part of this process requires you to debrief with your trusted partner about what happened. Some people have the desire to and are ready to debrief right away while others need a little cooling of time before hand. Self-care is important at this point in the process. Do something constructive that helps you care for yourself such as going for a walk, taking a bath or shower, journaling or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea or coffee for five minutes. When you are ready to debrief, attempt to recall the event in a matter-of-fact manner describing what you did, what the child did and what others who may have been present did. Discuss how well you followed your plan and if you feel like it succeeded. If you followed the plan and you feel good about it, give yourself a pat on the back. If you did not follow the plan or things did not go as you had hoped, discuss why you didn’t follow plan and/or what interfered with you being able to follow the plan and/or where things seemed to have fallen apart and pat yourself on the back for being able to analyze your skills. When you look back at a situation and look at what didn’t work, it allows you to be better prepared for the next “episode”.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this intervention and how well it does or does not work for you. What do you currently do to deescalate crises with your child?

What is an IEP?

Individualized Education Program

Category Archives: IEP