Monthly Archives: March 2012

How Do I Help My Child to Transition Without Meltdowns?

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Knowing good transition strategies for your child with special needs is very important.  Many children with an array of special needs have difficulty transitioning from one activity to the next, from one person to another and/or from one place to another.  Planning for these difficulties can often help to decrease inappropriate and/or out-of-control behavior from your child.  It is better to assume that your child may have a difficulty and prepare for transitions than to be caught off guard and have to deal with a major meltdown.

There are several strategies you can choose from based on your child’s needs, level of cognition, communication method and behavioral patterns.  I am not suggesting that you try to implement all of these at once.  You know your child best and you know what situations he/she tends to struggle with the most.  Use these strategies as a guide to help you to alleviate some of the stress involved with helping your child learn how to deal with transitions appropriately.  Unexpected transitions are also great ways to work on emotions, waiting and frustration management.

There are two very important factors no matter what strategies you decide to incorporate.  First, and most important, you must mean what you say.  If you tell a child he has five more minutes on the computer, 3 more minutes until she has to put away her toys, 1 more minute until he has to leave to go to the doctor’s or 1 more minute until the babysitter is coming and your are leaving, you must be willing to follow through, even if your child has a meltdown.  If you are not someone who follows through, children learn very quickly that they can manipulate you through their behavior.  I am a big proponent of timers, not only because they can give the child a visual reminder but also because they can help me stay true to my word.  My students have learned that when that timer dings, it means, “all done”.  Second, you must be very patient and use repetition in your language when you are referring to transitions.  You do not need fancy lingo.  Use simple commands or requests in as many situations as possible.  If you can get all caregivers to use the same language, it is even better.

Implementing a written or picture schedule can be very helpful for many children.  The needs of your child will dictate whether you need many specific schedules or fewer broad schedules.  Specific schedules are often helpful for children who have difficulty attending to steps in a process or difficulties with knowing what to expect in certain locations.  Some examples of specific schedules may include preparing for going to school in the morning or going to the grocery store or playing with a friend.  Broad schedules are good to give kids an overall vision for the day or the activity.

Some children respond best to nonverbal cues that you have previously set up.  If your child is verbal, ask him what type of cue he thinks would help him disengage from his current activity and move on to something new with less difficulty.  If he is nonverbal and likes pictures, go through Google images and find pictures he identifies with.  Some examples of nonverbal cues I have used with children are: flipping the lights on and off (as long as there are no children with seizures in my classroom), using the ASL sign for “all done”, ringing a bell or a chime that is only used for transitions, setting five minutes on a timer next to the child or putting the predetermined transition picture onto the child’s picture board.

Picture Cues are another method to help children transition.  This takes time on the front end because you either have to find pictures on the computer or take pictures of your child in different activities and scenarios.  For best results, you want to laminate them or use clear packing tape to cover them and then use Velcro tape to stick them all on a clip board or a wall chart.  Depending on your child’s abilities, either you can ask her to find the pictures or you can place the pictures on the schedule for her.  I usually have three slots for pictures with the following titles, “First I am going to…”, Next I am going to…” and “After that I am going to…”.  If the child is verbal I ask her to read it with me, if the she is nonverbal I read it to her.  Just before completion of the first activity, I bring the child’s attention to the board and say or sign, “What’s next?” so she knows a transition is about to occur.  When we get to the next activity, I move the top two up and then add on a new third one.  This strategy does take more time and effort and it seems to help many children tremendously.

Some children do not need pictures or nonverbal cues and you can use verbal cues for transitions.  This could be a traditional warning such as, “You have five more minutes with X and then we’re doing Y”.  This could also be done in a review format such as, “First, we’re going to drive to the post office to mail this package, second we’re going to go to the pharmacy to pick up some medicine, third we’re going to see your speech therapist at their office and then fourth we’re going to go to the park and you can swing on the swings”.

Unfortunately, the best thought out plan is sometimes interrupted or unexpectedly changes and many children with special needs have significant issues dealing with this.  It is important to talk to your child about emotions-especially strong negative emotions such as disappointment, anger, sadness and frustration.  You can find posters or work sheets that have many different faces showing different emotions.  There are great books picture books you can use to talk about emotions with young children.  I have also used movies, video games and television to talk about emotions with older children.  All children need to understand that there are times when they are going to feel these emotions and they need to know what is expected when they feel them.  Most children with special needs, and many neurotypical children, need explicit instruction in this area.  As a family, it is important to discuss how you handle negative emotions.  I encourage children to express their feelings verbally, through sign or through pictures.  I then validate the feeling by saying something like, “I see that you’re sad because we couldn’t go to the park because it’s raining, what could we do instead” or “I hear that your angry because you wanted a candy bar at the store and we couldn’t get one, what else could we have instead”.  Giving alternatives can help to deescalate a situation.  When I give choices and the child says something like, “No, I want the park or I want the candy bar”.  Then I calmly say again, “Your choice is A or B or nothing”.  Children will initially test you but very quickly learn that they would rather have something than nothing.

What types of transitions are the most difficult for your child?  What has worked best for you in helping your child to transition?  I would love to hear your stories and thoughts on this subject!

Five Strategies to Increase Reading Comprehension With Your Child With Special Needs

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Many parents of children with special needs are working to increase reading comprehension with their child.  It is not uncommon for children with special needs to struggle with understanding what a story, or even a paragraph, is about, who the main characters are, what the setting is, what the problem or moral is and/or what the function of a story is.  There are hundreds of strategies that can assist your child to gain a better understanding of fiction.  In this article I am going to discuss the five strategies that I have found to be most beneficial in increasing reading comprehension: breaking the material into very small chunks, connecting the story to a real life situation or emotion, making reading multisensory through audio books, DVD’s or by being read to, connecting to literature through art and the need for repetition.  Working on reading comprehension requires you to be much more present and interactive than simply reading a story before putting your child to bed.

Children who have issues with short-term memory, concentration and/or getting the “big picture” are rarely able to comprehend a whole story for younger children or a whole chapter for older children.  It is best to stop reading after 1-2 pages to discuss was has happened so far, who is in the story, where the story is taking place and what he/she thinks might happen next.  If the story is a picture book, you can use the pictures as clues.  Ask your child questions to evoke responses.  If they do not know the answer or seem confused, point to the text and/or pictures that will help them answer your question.   As you are going through the story or chapter, stop often and ask new questions as well as questions you have already asked to check for retention.  If the retention is poor, flip back to where you first discussed that item.  With this method, you may only get through a small section of the chapter or book, but that is okay if you are working on comprehension rather than fluency.

If you can help your child connect to something in the story through a real life situation or an emotion they have felt they are much more likely to comprehend and remember the story.  Many of us who read fiction, look for how it relates (or does not relate) to our own life.  Ask questions such as, “What does that remind you of?”, “Do you know anyone who has done that/felt that way?”, “What happened last week that made you feel like that?”, “Have you ever been to (the setting)?  What did you do there?”, or “How do you think (a character) feels?  Why do you think (he/she/it) feels that way?”  These types of questions can help build the bridge to better understanding because there is a personal connection.

Many children with special needs learn best in a multi-sensory format.  Children who struggle with reading comprehension, even if they can read the text, are better off listening to a story than reading it to themselves.  For some children listening to an audio book while they follow along is very helpful because they are getting the visual input from the text , and pictures if there are any, and they are hearing the text auditorily.  Many children’s books are also on DVD and seeing the text acted out may draw another form of connection for your child.  Check with your local Library or your school Librarian about what they have in stock.

If your child enjoys art-coloring, drawing, using clay or play-dough or crafts-creating things along the way or as a final project can also increase their comprehension.  This is another multi-sensory strategy that helps many children connect the content of the visual book through the tactile senses.  I have had children of all ages do tactile projects as a way to summarize text.  Many children also find this much more engaging than simply discussing a book or writing about a book.

Repetition is critical in the learning process of many children with special needs.  How many of us when we are reading ourselves have to go back and reread something because we were distracted or tired or simply need more time to process the information?  Most, if not all, people do this on occasion.  If your brain is somehow impaired by your special learning needs this needs to happen multiple times for retention to occur.  With my early learners, I reread the same book every day for an entire week to help them integrate different concepts.  A few children will comment that we have already read this book, but most are happy to go back through it and it helps them connect to the text.  For more advanced learners I always ask them to do a summary of what has already happened in the story before we move on to new content.

What reading comprehension strategies have you used to help your child connect to fiction?  How have you supported your child in gaining an understanding of the text he/she is reading in a way that is meaningful to them?

How Should I Teach Social Skills to My Child With Special Needs?

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Teaching social skills to children with special needs is very important.  Many children with special needs do not inherently pick up on social skills like many neurotypical children do.  Children with a variety of special needs often have trouble in the social arena.  Children with special needs often need to be directly taught how to interact with their peers, how to pick up on social cues, how to resolve conflicts, how to get attention appropriately  and how to play interactively.  Teaching social skills is not something that should be left primarily up to the schools.  For the best results for your child, social skills deficiencies need to be addressed in all areas of your child’s life-at home, in the community and at school.

Parents are their child’s first teachers and parents are constantly teaching their child how to interact in the social world from birth on up.  Most parents teach their child early on to respond to nonverbal cues, to follow directions, to listen to others, to identify and manage their emotions, to resolve conflicts and to cooperate and to wait through informal means.  Neurotypical children often attain these skills through observation of and trial and error with their parents, siblings and friends.  Many neurotypical children also have struggles with certain social skills that may require a bit more formalized “training” from parents.  For example, many parents have to take extra time and effort to teach their child that waiting is a part of life and even though it is often boring, it is a necessary skill.  Neurotypical children often learn these skills through verbal instructions and natural consequences.

Children with special needs often struggle with auditory processing, sensory integration, lower frustration tolerances and reading social cues.  For these reasons, they often do not respond well to verbal instructions on how to behave or form relationships.  Children with special needs often need to be explicitly taught these basic kills. Many children learn these skills better through auditory or kinetic (physical movement) pathways.  Using music, games, DVD’s, computer programs and multiple practice situations can be highly beneficial for learning and exhibiting pro-social behaviors.  Click here if you would like to view a very successful video modeling program for children with autism.

Children also need to learn social skills through community involvement.  Parents of children with special needs, especially ones with behavioral issues, often question whether they should include their children in sports activities, church activities, civic groups and other community activities.  My answer to that question is a resounding, “Yes!”  I believe it is best for everyone- children and adults, people with and without special needs for all children to be included as much as possible.  Many coaches and group leaders are happy to accommodate the needs of your child to include them, if you are willing to share your child’s struggles with them and problem solve with them about how to address behaviors if they arise.

I also believe children with special needs need to be introduced to and participate in activities that neurotypical children do.  I believe all children should be taught and able to practice how to act appropriately in a restaurant, how to wait in a line at the post office or grocery store, how to be courteous and polite to people they encounter, how to respond to strangers, how to sit in a chair at the doctor’s office, etc.  It does not help your child or society as a whole to keep your child out of public activities.  Recently a parent asked me if he should tell his acquaintances about his child’s diagnosis as a way to explain why his daughter may act or respond differently.  I do not think you have to tell everybody, and I certainly think it helps tremendously to tell people who may have regular contact with you or your child or if you are experiencing a significant melt down in public.

Many schools have social skills groups offered by a school counselor or a school social worker.  There are often groups open to both general education and special education students.  Over my 18 years as an educator I have facilitated hundreds of social skills groups for children in preschool through high school on a variety of topics, including friendship development, anger management, social skills acquisition, stress management, play skills, conflict resolution and violence prevention.   If you feel that your child could benefit from something like this, ask the school what is available.

Social development and emotional development are key areas of a child’s development.   If your child with special needs has an Individualized Education Program (IEP) and has deficiencies in social skills you can ask for goals and objectives, services and/or accommodations to be included in his/her IEP.  Many people think that IEPs are only for academic skills and that is not true.  IEP’s are for children who have significant discrepancies between their abilities and their performance and/or exhibit significant deficiencies in the following areas due to a disability: academic skills, motor skills, cognition and memory, social, emotional and behavioral skills, speech and language development, communication, transition skills and life skills.

I have successfully used many books, games and products to teach social skills to children with special needs.  Feel free to click here to check out my product recommendations page for suggestions and ideas.  I am constantly updating this page with new items I read and use that may be helpful to parents of children with special needs.

If you have specific needs for your child that I have not addressed, please feel free to comment on this post or send me an e-mail at jen@whatisiep.com.

I would love to hear about the types of activities your child participates in to assist him/her in gaining more appropriate social skills.

Here is an Effective Strategy to Help You Handle Significantly Disruptive Behaviors At Home

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Family crisis intervention plans are a critical component in many homes with children who have special needs. For the bulk of my career, I have worked with what many people label as “the most difficult children”.  These are children with emotional and behavioral disabilities such as Reactive Attachment Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorders.  These “difficult” children have a very special place in my heart.  I find great joy, satisfaction and a sense of hope in helping these children, who are often very misunderstood, to find their way in the world.  The children who I have had the most success with over the years are the children who had parents who joined with me on this mission.  When parents and educators work together, incredible things can happen with children who have very problematic behavior.

There is one technique that I was taught and have subsequently taught many other educators and parents that almost everyone finds beneficial. I use this strategy in many facets of my life, not just during crises.  The Crisis Prevention Institute teaches professionals a skill called rational detachment. Rational detachment is the ability to stay calm and cool and not get emotionally hooked during a highly emotionally charged crisis event but still be physically, cognitively and emotionally present  for the child as he/she goes through their “episode”/fit/rage/meltdown/(or whatever you want to call it).  Almost everyone who I have taught this to has said that they think every educator and every parent should know this strategy.  Knowing it and being able to execute it effectively are two different things.  It takes practice and works best when you have at least one other adult to support you.

Children with emotional and behavioral disabilities tend to be masters at finding their parents and teachers weak spots and trying to capitalize on them.  Sometimes this is part of their disorder and sometimes it is manipulation but it is handled in the same way no matter the reason for the acting out behavior.  Often these “episodes” are very personal in nature and may include verbal, physical and emotional components.   We need to be able to step back from the situation in our mind but stay present with the child so he/she knows that we will be there for them, that we will keep everyone safe, that we care about them and that we are in charge even when they are out of control.  I am by no means saying this is easy or that this works with all children. Preparation for crisis events in your family may help you, your other children, your family members and the acting out child so that your life does not become consumed with one crisis after another.

I believe that one of the best forms of family crisis intervention involves being able to rationally detach during a crisis.  People who are able to do this are less likely to escalate their child during an “episode” and have reported to me that they feel more in control.  This process occurs before, during and after the “episode”.  I encourage you to take time to write down the factors that you believe will help you and your family during an “episode”.  If you have a trusted spouse, partner, family member or friend, ask them if they are willing to do this with you.  If you do not, you can do it yourself through journaling but it will be more difficult.  I am going to map out the basic premise for this strategy to help you consider how you might become more rationally detached during a family crisis.  The “before” and “after” part of this process is the thinking part of this strategy.  The “during” part of the process is the doing part of the strategy.

The “before” part of this process requires you to think about what kinds of things (people, places, sensory input, medications, etc) tend to trigger your child to act out.  If it is not possible to avoid those things, discuss how to prepare your child for them.  Gain a better understanding of your child’s disorder to help you realize that the “episodes” are usually a part of the disorder. Gain an understanding that although the “episodes” may seem very personal they are often not about you but about the child’s feelings of overwhelm, loss of control, inadequacy and may even be physiological in nature.  Make a plan, either with your trusted partner or with yourself, about how you are going to handle things during the next episode.  How are you going to protect your acting out child from hurting him/herself, you and/or other family members?  Is there a place in the house that the other children can go safely?  Will your acting out child be safe in his/her room alone or do you need to be present in the room? What will you do if an “episode” occurs in public?  Consider all the scenarios you have encountered or fear you will encounter and make a simple plan for how you will address them.

The “during” part of this process involved executing the plan you decided upon.  It also involves an internal conversation with yourself when you continually remind yourself, ‘this isn’t about me, it’s about him/her and I need to follow the plan’.  This is the key to the plan working.  It is natural for people, especially parents who love their children dearly, to feel insulted, hurt, devastated or immobilized by their child’s actions and words.  You must do everything you can to not respond in anger, frustration and/or outrage even if your child is calling you a **** or telling you it’s all your fault or throwing expensive toys or breaking your favorite item or thousands of other behaviors you could fill in that your child exhibits. What you need to continue to do during the “episode” is to monitor for everyone’s safety and remain as calm and cool as possible on the outside as you possibly can.  Do not get into an argument or a debate while your child is acting out.  It may be helpful to have one or two statements that you say repeatedly, such as, “When you are calm we will discuss this” or “I will know you’re calm and ready to talk with me when your mouth and body are quiet and still” or “I will be here for you when you are calm”.  Then you have to wait them out.  It is important to note that you cannot emotionally or physically detach from the situation in a way that would harm your child thus the term ‘rational detachment’.

The “after” part of this process requires you to debrief with your trusted partner about what happened.  Some people have the desire to and are ready to debrief right away while others need a little cooling of time before hand. Self-care is important at this point in the process.  Do something constructive that helps you care for yourself such as going for a walk, taking a bath or shower, journaling or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea or coffee for five minutes.  When you are ready to debrief, attempt to recall the event in a matter-of-fact manner describing what you did, what the child did and what others who may have been present did.  Discuss how well you followed your plan and if you feel like it succeeded.  If you followed the plan and you feel good about it, give yourself a pat on the back.  If you did not follow the plan or things did not go as you had hoped, discuss why you didn’t follow plan and/or what interfered with you being able to follow the plan and/or where things seemed to have fallen apart and pat yourself on the back for being able to analyze your skills.  When you look back at a situation and look at what didn’t work, it allows you to be better prepared for the next “episode”.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this intervention and how well it does or does not work for you.  What do you currently do to deescalate crises with your child?